i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
