my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
