I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
