So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
