So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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