I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
