all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
