He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
did you just send me my own nude
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
