you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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