ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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