well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
