I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
