you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
