There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
