I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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