screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
