Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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