vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
