Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
