Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
