Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
