I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
