Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
