Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
