he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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