i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
