It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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