Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
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