I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
