You really coming over, don't trick.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
