whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
