How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
