East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
