I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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