Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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