I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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