you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
