i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
