the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
