how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
