yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
