please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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