Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I didn't shave. On purpose
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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