i think my mom watched the whole time
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
