can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
