It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
