dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
