We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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