Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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