if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
