Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
