I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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