I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
