the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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