her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
